Befriending imposter syndrome
- HO Seng Chee
- Apr 4
- 2 min read
At a recent panel event in which I was a speaker, I was asked how one might deal with imposter syndrome. My answer: Embrace it as your friend.
Imposter syndrome is natural
Whether it’s starting a new job, getting promoted, relocating to another country, or even just becoming a parent for the first time, it’s natural to feel lost in novel situations. But it can be awkward to appear clueless, especially when around people we want to impress. In high stakes corporate settings, it may even be perilous.
Enter imposter syndrome, and we start to doubt ourselves.
We use big technical words to mask our ignorance.
We dress for the part, be it power suits in investment banking, or jeans and t-shirts in startups.
We name drop to show we’re one with the crowd.
Yet, these are but coping mechanisms. The self-doubt persists.
I’ve been an imposter, as have many of my clients. It’s how people handle uncertainty in new environments. It’s natural – and wise – to be guarded on unfamiliar ground, and with people we don’t know well.
Befriending imposter syndrome
If imposter syndrome is unavoidable, how should we manage it?
“Fake it till you make it,” we are advised. However catchy that phrase may be, just “faking it” rarely leads to authentic success. Remember Bernie Madoff or Elizabeth Holmes? They faked it but never made it.
To deal effectively with imposter syndrome, I would choose instead to see it as a close friend. And I mean a really close friend … one who knows our heart:
A close friend watches out for us. Imposter syndrome is our friend noticing our anxiety and recognising that something is amiss. Being able to sense threat and danger means we are alert and perceptive. Better to be that than asleep and dreaming.
A close friend knows our strengths and weaknesses. Imposter syndrome is our friend pointing out the possible gaps between our capabilities and others’ expectations. These may be real or perceived. Our job is to separate the truth from the imagined.
A close friend helps us improve ourselves. Imposter syndrome is our friend aiding us to uncover what we need to succeed in the situation. Is it new knowledge? More training? New networks and contacts? Where can we acquire what we need?
A close friend knows our values and beliefs. Sometimes, despite prolonged effort, we continue to feel like an imposter. That’s imposter syndrome telling us the situation we’re in contains elements that collide with our values and beliefs. Persisting will drain us emotionally, physically and mentally. Time then to think about leaving the situation and coming out of imposter mode.
So the next time imposter syndrome knocks, invite it in. Serve it a glass of wine and ask what it’s trying to tell you. Like a close friend, it knows you better than you think.
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I am a leadership coach. I help leaders and organisations succeed through good leadership practices. Because good leadership matters.
